Don't You Dare

The latest concert we attended was beyond tragic and has thusly inspired the following

Dixon's Rules to Modern Dance

1. Pointless reaching for nothing. If you are going to reach for something, make sure it actually exists.
2. Under no circumstances should you touch or rub yourself unnecessarily. Make that shit stop.
3. Long and dramatic hugs with other dancers on stage. No.
4. There is such a thing as being too dramatic.
5. Facials. No. We are not a high school drill team.
6. When the piece needs to end, END IT. Do not make it 17 minutes long just because it is modern dance and you can.
7. BOYS-Just because you are a man does not give you any excuse to be any less technically beautiful as the women around you. I don't care that you probably only started dancing two years ago. The girls around you have been dancing since they were 3. Put in the work you lazy piece of s***.
8. BOYS- Freakin' point your toes and straighten your legs (see #7)
9. Do not wear dance paws or any foot attire. We are not in high school.
10. Do not do a ballet piece in ballet flats. If the girls are not capable of dancing en pointe, you should not be doing ballet at all.
11. Just because we are modern dancers does not mean that our extensions shouldn't be beautiful and our turns shouldn't be nailed. Work on it.
12. Music. Slow and dramatic orchestration is disgusting and cheesy. No. Be unique.
13. Girls in tights, booty shirts and normal tops is a HUGE no. Ugh. Only under extreme circumstances should booty shorts be worn.
14. BOYS- If you are going to wear booty shorts, make them BOOTY shorts. These shorts that awkwardly go to the knee make me SICK.
15. If you are going to have a prop, make it have a legitimate purpose and use it in new and original ways.
16. If you are going to push boundaries, push them until you can no more, or don't at all.
17. Countless big leaps and turns, no matter how pretty, become boring and useless. Stop.
18. Do not use the most famous speech in America's history and do a bunch of bad dancing to it. You should be kicked out of the country for that.
19. If the music has lyrics, do not interrupt them literally. We as an audience want to be able to think about it and not be punched in the face with it.
20. Bad technique ruins lives. Take more classes and try again.


Well there ya go. Good luck and you're welcome.

ps. Tomorrow at 10:15am is when the pieces chosen for the Gala concert are being announced and after tonight's tragic attempt at a concert our chances of being chosen are so much higher. Stay tuned.